Took a step,
closer to headman's hill,
If he would have had the will,
Surely he would have not had to kill.
The man who was not even bad.
But he did kill the poor lad,
And now he must suffer his bill,
On the head man's hill.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,018 Literary Works • 672,852 Reviews
the ryhmeing is good but the poem is to short realy short. Dont forget that you need mor explanations.
To the person above, it doesn't have to rhyme with anything, its his style. I think the poem worked the way it was written.
sorry there was a mistake in the spelling. =P
Firstly, your rhyming is a bit strange. The first line doesn't rhyme with anything, and you use words with the same sound five times out of eight - hill, will, kill, bill, hill. This makes the poem sound the same all the way through, and a little boring, so try shaking it up a bit, by introducing other rhymes. These are all very simple rhymes and it all sounds so forced, like you wrote it this way just for the sake of making your lines rhyme. It's great if your poem has a good structure but the poet should not be a slave to his own rhyming scheme. Also, the first line, took a step - who took a step? Did you? Who is this murderer, I want to know more about him, or the person he killed, and what happened. The last line confused me, as well. This has potential, you just need to be a bit more adventurous with your language.
The idea is great. Needs so processing tho` :
If he would have had the will,
Not to kill the man who was not even bad.
But he did kill the lad - an extra rhyme. Your choise if you want to use it.
Thats all. I like the ending.